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Bill Belichick has put to rest all speculation about who he would sign as his new “quarterback” after he cut Hall of Famer Tom Brady two weeks ago.
Belch will give the QB duties to retired 35-year-old JaMarcus Russell, who is the undisputed biggest disappointment of all #1 overall picks in NFL history — and arguably the biggest NFL bust of all time.
Coming out of LSU in 2007, the Oakland Raiders took Russell number one overall. He played in 25 games for the team over three seasons. Along the way, he accomplished virtually nothing before being released and never playing another football game.
Russell never really liked football, or never wanted to work at getting better at it, and completely lost interest in the game even though he was paid millions of dollars to sign with the Raiders.
His career stands alone as the most puzzling, disappointing, bewildering, and strange NFL careers of all time.
“It’s impossible to overstate how bodacious a bust JaMarcus Russell turned out to be after coming out as the top player in the 2007 draft,” said NFL draft expert Mel Kiper Jr. “Some players just aren’t as good as expected. Some aren’t motivated. Some don’t like football. Some lack character and heart. Russell had all of these destructive traits and so many more.
“It’s still mind-boggling to contemplate how fast he went from the best player in the draft to the biggest bust the NFL has ever seen,” he added. “He’s the worst #1 pick in NFL history and that’s saying a whole lot.”
Reached in his Louisiana home, Russell said: “I still don’t like football and have no intention of practicing hard for Belch. I don’t know why he offered me this job. I wasn’t seeking it. This strikes me as absurd and out of the blue.”
Ever the innovative thinker, Belichick had a different take on Russell and why he wants him to be the QB of his team:
“I’m planning to use Russell as a decoy and not have a quarterback this season,” he said. “My running backs, wide receivers, and tight ends will take the shotgun and butt-hike snaps but not function as quarterbacks. We won’t have huddles or call plays. We’ll be the first NFL team to run an offense without a true quarterback and ad-lib every single play.”
He said Russell will be used to play quarterback in practices against his starting offense. And once in a while, he’ll put him in the game in the shotgun. But before the snap they will shift him to line up as a tight end, tackle, guard, or center depending on the down and distance for a first down. Russell will also be the team’s punter.
“The key is I’m only going to pay Russell $23 per game so I pocket a lot of money and keep way under the salary cap. That way I can buy another huge boat for me and my girlfriend to ride around in the Atlantic on Nantucket,” he said.
“No one thinks of new ways to win football games and confuse opponents the way I do. I have to give myself credit: This concept of an NFL team without a quarterback is beyond brilliant. Plus, I can use that extra money to pay for my rapidly intensifying weed habit.”
A reporter with the Boston Globe asked Belch why Russell will be the punter:
“So I don’t have to pay someone else to be the punter. Punters are only worth about $23 per game – if that.”
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