Bieniemy’s Name Tortured, Interview for Colorado Football Job Stalled


When Eric Bieniemy contacted the University of Colorado football office yesterday expressing his interest in the head football coaching job, he got stalled in his conversation with the administrative assistant.

“Wait a minute, sir,” the assistant said. “Did you say your name is B. Enemy?”

“No, my name is Bieniemy,” said the current offensive coordinator for the Kansas City Chiefs.

“Oh, that’s Be Enemy,” said the assistant. “So you spell that Be Enemy?”

“No,” the coach said.

“Oh, so you mean B. E. Enemy?”

“No,” the coach said. “My name rhymes with frenemy.”

“Oh, so it’s Be Frenemy? Maybe it should be Be More Friendly.”

“No, it rhymes with enemy but is spelled differently? So it’s spelled Enemee like Eminem the rap star?

“No, it’s spelled Bieniemy.”

“But what, that second “e” in your name is silent. It doesn’t need to be there. Why is it there? Why isn’t your name simply Bienimy?

“University should know how to spell my name”

“Hey, the University of Colorado should know how to spell my name. I am the school’s all-time leading rusher with 3,940 yards.”

“Well that’s what the Greek Freak said when he got drafted by the Milwaukee Bucks,” said the assistant. “But no one in that organization can spell his last name and he’s been on the team for several years. It’s Antetokounmpo, by the way. The second m is silent just like the second e in your name.”

“The Greek Freak is not my frenemy. My name is Eric Bieniemy. Can we get past this so I can do the job interview?”

“Sure Mr. Antetokounmpo. You will be interviewing with Eminem.”

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Sammy Sportface
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