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Red Wins Gold in Slopestyle Snowboarding
A red-headed kid named “Red” snagged some big air, nailed the eggplant
360 and backside 180, did three flips and twists, landed on his feet
cleanly, and shocked the snowboarding world by taking a Gold Medal in
yesterday’s slopestyle competition. Red Gerard’s victory was the first
Gold Medal won by an American at this year’s Winter Olympics in South
Korea.
Gerard’s sudden ascendancy to stardom means there is a new redheaded
sheriff in town in the world of snowboarding. Red dethrones red-headed
Shaun White, an American who has won numerous Olympic Medals in the
half-pipe snowboarding competition.
“There’s something about having red hair that makes for great
snowboarders,” said Red. “I know Shaun White has ruled the
snowboarding world for many years, but I proved today that I’m the new
King of Big Air. White has gotten all bush anyways. He recently
compared himself to Michael Phelps as an American Olympic athlete who
has had the sustainability to go to several straight Games and win
medals. Hold on, Flying Tomato Can. Phelps has won 18 Olympic Gold
Medals and you haven’t come close to that. He’s the greatest of all
time in any sport. You’re just a Flying Tomato Can.”
During his post-victory press conference, Red told the crowd that he
wanting to leverage his Gold Medal by cashing in on sponsorship and
endorsement deals.
“I want to be on the cover of a box of Wheaties cereal,” he said. “All
the great Olympic champions get on the cover of that box. Now that
I’ve achieved Gold Medal status, it’s time for my red hair to be
strung all over advertisements both online and print.”
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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