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The Sports World 100 Years From Now
Sure we all know what’s going on in sports right now. LeBron is great. Steph Curry can shoot. And Tiger Woods will never win another Major Golf Tournament.
But many of us have no idea what will be going on in this arena 100 years from. It one sense it doesn’t matter. Many of us won’t be alive to find out unless, after we die, we still track sports the way we do now watch stuff on flat screen TVs, which seems unlikely.
Nevertheless, what sports will be a century from right now should be an obsession. This is a pressing matter. It needs to be unpacked right now.
One hundred years from now, Tom Brady will still be the quarterback of the New England Patriots. He will have won 47 Super Bowl rings. His current coach, Bill Belichick, will have retired 90 years earlier saying he wanted to spend more time on his boat with the five rings inscribed on it. Boating will be bigger 100 years from now also because more people will have more disposable income than they do today. Boats will still float on water, which is reassuring. Current Patriots owner Bob Kraft would have been 173 years old had he not passed away after Brady brought him his 10th Super Bowl ring in 2024. The cause of his death will have been extreme ecstasy that he drafted Brady.
Brady will no longer be married to Gisele Bundchen, his current supermodel wife. She will have left him 95 years earlier, the year 2022 because she couldn’t stand him always going to watch football films at the Patriots training facility every day of the year. She will have come to realize that Tom’s true love is football and not hanging out with supermodel babes. Supermodels won’t be as popular as they are now, and no one will understand why.
A century from now Brady will be 139 something years old. It won’t matter that his athletic ability will have deteriorated. He won’t need to be agile; he never has been and proved that with historically low scores on NFL Combine tests of athletic ability. Fueled by some new wave, bootleg psychological drugs, as well as new ways to deflate footballs without anyone finding out, his mind will stay sharp. This has always been his competitive differentiator, the fact that he outsmarts everybody else in football.
One hundred years from now, basketball historians will still consider this year’s Golden State Warriors team the greatest shooting squad of all time. No team will be put together over the next 100 years with as accurate a trio of shooters as Steph Curry, Kevin Durant, and Klay Thompson. None of this will make headline news, however, because 100 years from now no one will have seen these three guys play and the big sport then will be the CrossFit Games.
One hundred years from now, political historians will point to the battle between Donald Trump and Marco Rubio during the Republican election campaign of 2017 as the most relevant ever to the sports world and course of geopolitical history. They will report that the reason Trump beat Little Marco was that Trump found out during the debates that Rubio played defensive back for a small college named Tarkio College. Once Trump found this out, he decided the way to eliminate Rubio from contention was to call him Little Rubio, a slight for which any former college football player would take extraordinary offense. Historians would remind us that Trump would Tweet that he was a great athlete and played wide receiver in high school football, and that had he played in college and Rubio was assigned to cover him, Trump would have scorched him the entire game for long bombs, skinny posts, and button hooks. Historians will also point out that Twitter was a passing craze that only last 50 years and that Trump was a key contributor to its demise as the central form of communication throughout the world.
One hundred years from now, Bob Costas will still be the lead anchorman for the Summer Olympic Games, which will be held in Rio de Janeiro featuring American superstar swimmers Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps. By then Costas will be 163 years old. He will outlive the average expectancy of an American male by some 90 years primarily because of the ointment he uses to dye his hair light brownish/reddish/sort of orangish/brownish.
Modern hair dye technology will have progressed one hundred years from now to be an elixir for slowing the aging process. Pour more dye in your hair and you will live longer. Word will get around. NBC will find out and tell Costas to keep drenching his hair in dye and this will elongate his life by one century, thereby keeping viewer ratings up for the Peacock Network, reaching all 14 billion people on Earth (Source: U.S. Census Bureau).
One hundred years from now, there will continue to be heated debates about which athlete has had the greatest Shakespearean fall of the magnitude of Macbeth. Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong will be on the short list. Ryan Leaf will get consideration but it will become apparent that he never rose to be King like Macbeth, Tiger, and Lance.
Like Macbeth, Tiger and Lance lusted for power. Both rose to the top of their respective worlds. They dominated. But they were detested. Like Macbeth, their downfalls were their ambitions. One century from now, historians will look back at these two guys and say that no athletes – not since Tiger and Lance one hundred years earlier – were as Macbeth-like.
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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