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This morning less than an hour ago my non-committal and evasive friend walked past me in Starbucks hoping I wouldn’t look up from my computer to see him so he wouldn’t have to talk with me.
Unfortunately for him, I looked up and noticed him speed-walking past as he said “Hey man, gotta go to a baby shower.”
And he raced out the door deliberately not looking back.
This got me thinking about all the ways people blow each other off daily in every Starbucks, municipality, state, country, and continent in the world. Some blow-off lines are better than others. I’m thinking the baby shower excuse sounds like a go-to for my friend Dave.
Sure he may have had to go to a baby shower but maybe not and who am I to question that? Well, he deserves to be doubted, especially him, mostly him. He’s got a rich history of blowing me off so I don’t believe any excuses he throws at me for why he can’t sit down and have an in-depth discussion with me.
But I’m no better than Dave when it comes to blow-off lines. I know when I see someone and I don’t want to talk with them I usually say something like “Hey man, gotta run” or “gotta Zoom call in a minute.”
Sometimes I pretend not to see the person and keep my head down and if they yell my name “Hey Sportface,” I pretend not to hear even though I like the boost to the Sportface brand out in the public airwaves.
With all this as context, we need to now come to a mutual understanding of the five worst blowoff lines:
Five: Hey man, gotta go to a baby shower.
So clever yet so bush. Transparently evasive. Devious.
Four: Hey my wife wants to talk with me. Gotta go.
No way your wife wants to talk with you. No wives want to. But who am I to get between you and your wife? You are a slimeball.
Three: Late for my golf tee time. Later.
You’re saying playing golf is more important to you than ruminating with me about life’s struggles. This lacks empathy.
Two: Talk later, man.
This doesn’t mean you intend to talk later. It means you don’t want to talk now and don’t want to talk later.
One: Headed to a funeral, man.
Bull. You’re just dropping the funeral excuse because you know I wouldn’t be so socially unaware to question whether someone in your life was dead.
Now there’s the whole other side to this blow-off dynamic. There are great blow-off excuses. Here are the top five.
Five: Hey man, I’m on my way to the hospital. Need an emergency appendectomy.
You slime – dropping the old hospital emergency BS.
Four: Dude, would love to chat but I got a job interview in 15 minutes and need to rehearse my responses one more time.
No way you’re researching your answers for a job interview. You’re just getting on the call.
Three: Not today, my friend, I gotta go the Department of Motor Vehicles and get my driver’s license renewed and I don’t want to be the 659th person in line and have to wait seven hours.
You can talk with me now and go to DMV tomorrow. There’s a huge line there every day so doesn’t matter when you get there today or tomorrow.
Two: Hey I got some sort of cyberattack notice on my smartphone. Need to address this urgently.
Blame technology? Dude, that’s weak.
One: Hey man, Sammy Sportface just posted another blog and I need to read what he has to say right now.
Don’t lie to me. You brag to me every day that you never read anything Sportface sends you.
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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