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All of Washington – senators, FBI agents, the entire Department of Agriculture, Tommy Haley, the Reston Town Center Community, Tastee Diner employees, bureaucrats galore, Naves – have formed a pact Tuesday morning to go ‘commando’ to celebrate the win by the Washington Commanders Monday night over the Cincinnati Bengals on national TV.
Going commando means they won’t be wearing underwear. It’s an expression of joy about the team’s first big win since 1991. But there’s more to this city-wide debriefing. It’s also a superstitious ploy that they will not put on undies against until the Commanders/Redskins/WFT/WTF/Hogs/Over The Hill Gang loses another game.
They may not be sporting underdrawers for many months if you buy into Sammy Sportface’s prediction that the Commandos would win the Super this season led by Heisman Trophy Winner Jayden Daniels who heaved a rookie record six TD passes to six different receivers.
Last night the rookie found a gaggle of venerable veteran Redskin receivers for big gains: Charley Taylor (4 catches, 73 yards, 1 TD), Roy Jefferson (4 catches, 73 yards, 1 TD), Clint Didier Taylor (4 catches, 73 yards, 1 TD), Gary Clark (4 catches, 73 yards, 1 TD), Art Monk (4 catches, 73 yards, 1 TD), and Ricky Sanders (4 catches, 73 yards, 1 TD).
It was the first NFL game in which a quarterback connected with receivers all over the age of 60 for the same number of receptions, yards, and touchdowns.
It was uncanny, cagey, and moxie-filled.
Sprinting out ahead of the Commando trend, before the game these Redskins legends went Commando to give themselves extra breathing room inside their football pants to cope with excessive sagging.
Throughout this week there will be parades down Constitution Avenue led by The Hogs who will also go Commando underneath their dresses. Everyone in the city will be wearing Hog pig noses to work; kind of like “Blue Jean Friday except hog noses (blue jeans will be worn this Friday but no underwear).
White House officials will all go Commando and so will all Union Station employees and the entire workforce at the United States Post Office and The Awakening tourist traps.
Reacting to the news, local department stores have been pulling underwear off the shelves and sending them back to warehouses.
“We don’t need all these boxer shorts in our stores given the Commando Craze criss-crossing all of Metropolitan Washington,” said Robbie Retail. “I hope the Deadskins start losing again so we can sell more underwear.”
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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