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I wasn’t going to write this blog but you guys have been pounding me with the same question for eons so rather than let this continue I’ll just give you the answer so we can all move on feeling edified and less interpersonally uncomfortable.
The question you won’t leave me alone about is “What is Sammy Sportface’s middle name?”
I don’t know why it’s so important for you to know especially because Sammy Sportface isn’t a real person. This is like having an insatiable curiosity to know the middle name of Barnie Rubble. I mean, who cares? Barnie was Fred’s best friend, not even the main character in “The Flintstones.” If you wanted to know Fred’s middle name, I would understand.
It also makes me wonder what you guys have going on that you are preoccupied with knowing something so unimportant and irrelevant. Don’t you have more important things to worry about?
Isn’t there a YouTube video you could be watching to kill time instead of incessantly bombarding me with this question about a fake jerk’s middle name?
The NFL season is weeks away. This is an election year. Maybe you should read up on the candidates. Or take up a hobby like volleyball balloon digging. You may think you haven’t heard of this but you know what this is. You blow up a balloon that floats around but by the force of gravity has a tendency after a few seconds to fall to the ground.
Knock on your neighbor’s door and tell him to meet you in his backyard. Once there hit the red balloon in the air. Then tell him to do a volleyball dig into the ground to save it from hitting his dead grass. Then you do the same. Don’t let the balloon hit the ground. You’ll make the dead grass more dead with the digging.
Tell him to get his stereo speakers and put them on the back porch and crank up “99 LuftBalloons,” that weird song from the 1970s or whenever when Spars was in high school. Enjoy a listen:
When your neighbor pumps you for the answer to the question which he inevitably will – what is Sammy Sportface’s middle name – tell him you’re writing a blog about it after the balloon game gets boring which won’t take long.
Then go into your house and finish writing this blog. Tease the readers for a few more paragraphs about something that doesn’t matter and no one cares about like the U.S. Olympics women’s basketball team.
Make the blog long, tedious, and a waste of time to suffer through. Make sure Pistol gets so irritated that he quits reading before the end. Then, right when you sense they won’t read anymore to find out what the middle name is, tell them the middle name of Sammy Sportface is Sally.
Sammy Sally Sportface, that’s right. He has a man’s first name a woman’s middle name and a stupid last name.
Now — can we all move on with our lives?
We really need to get beyond this.
Author Profile
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
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