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Theories are flying around the world about why more swimming world records and personal best times aren’t being broken during this week’s Paris Olympics.
One reason, according to the experts, is the pool isn’t as deep as typical Olympic pools. Shallower pools create more waves and therefore resistance that slow swimmers. Physics concept or maybe chemistry.
Whichever, that’s a perfectly reasonable explanation but it only goes so far. Doesn’t fully satisfy.
I think there may be other factors at play. This is why I put together for you my exclusive countdown of eight theories for the dearth of world records and personal best times by the swimmers.
Eight: The first and very obvious reason is the swimmers are spending more than the usual amount of energy in the Olympic Village doing who knows what, tiring them out so they can’t swim as fast. Maybe too much standing around playing cornhole through the nights, weakening their legs. Who really knows?
Seven: I’m suspicious there’s a connection between the dirty water in the Seine River and the Olympic pool water. The water systems in Paris may be all connected and cross-flowing into each other like some intractable spiderweb. Seine water may have accidentally flowed into the pool. I’m not a chemist but it seems sensible that swimming in polluted water would slow you down – more density, you know — and this may be exactly what is happening.
Or maybe it’s more basic: the pool water has some Seine in it and when the swimmers dive in they smell or taste something unpleasant and this takes their minds off swimming as fast as they can.
Six: Snoop Dog has been hanging around the swimming scene at the Olympics and doing commercials with Michael Phelps in some diminutive hotel pool after taking off his USA boxing match warm up.
It’s just a guess but maybe Snoop has been smoking something at the swimming meet and the smoke is filtering down to the starting blocks and it’s mellowing out the racers. The smoke gets into their noses and they suddenly feel less focused on breaking a world record and more on just having a nice relaxing experience going for a swim in the Olympic pool, nice and easy, getting wet and that is enough. They forget about what they came there to do – swim their fastest race ever – and they’re perfectly fine with that.
Five: There’s also a multi-layered conspiracy theory to ponder. It could be that all the world record holders didn’t want to see their records broken so they hired some well-connected people to ensure this wouldn’t happen, and all during this week they’re in some clandestine hideout in Athens, Greece watching their records not being broken drinking Root Beer and eating Doritos while pulling the strings on their laughing boxes.
This clever stunt doesn’t seem impossible given all that goes down in the world that’s wild. It’s plausible they hired some skilled chemist on par with Walter White of “Breaking Bad” to leak some invisible chemical into the water that slows swimmers down.
Or they had some camera junkie install a bootleg feature on the underwater cameras that creates subtle yet formidable waves that swimmers are wrestling with and don’t even know it.
Four: Maybe technology is to blame. The person in charge of making sure chlorine levels are accurate for the pool double-checked the numbers by asking ChatGPT what they should be.
Hallucinating out of its mind, the chatbot spit back incorrect information that the person thought sounded right used. This off-the-periodic table concoction jerked around chlorine levels and it’s slowing swimmers.
ChatGPT didn’t mean to be wrong, and has no more than a casual interest in swimming, so it was an honest mistake – albeit a high-profile mistake that could slow this technology from replacing humans not only across the swimming landscape but all other industries.
Three: It could be a noise problem. The sound that starts the races may be too long – woooonggg – and it’s causing the swimmers to react more slowly. Or maybe the sound is just so weird the swimmers think about how weird it is and forget to get off the blocks as fast as they can.
Or it could be the cowbells American swimmers get blared at them heading towards their races — primarily to annoy the Australians — is making it hard for them to hear the woooong so their starts are slower.
Two: There could be an intellectual or personal habit reason. At the Olympic Village maybe the swimmers are reading too many books about molasses, bingeing on slow-motion Tik-Tok videos and blogs about how to slow down your life in 10 quick steps or topics like that. They’re buying into the whole slow mindset being the answer to living life fully, and it’s translating to less than world record performances.
One: Theories eight through two strike me as solid. But if had to bet on one, it would be an interrelated set of reasons that I’m thinking are the most likely of all. The swimmers have been reading articles posted on SwimSwam by Charles Hartley that inevitably emphasize the importance of trying hard and preparing well and how that’s enough and world records aren’t the main objective.
They buy into Hartley’s thinking – that it’s about making friends and doing your best and having fun and enjoying the experience – and they forget about trying to break world records and doing best times because Hartley has sold them on his life coaching philosophy.
Or maybe they’re all just down emotionally because SwimSwam hasn’t published at least 10 articles he’s submitted during the Olympics and they’re feeling shortchanged and empty.
The articles lifted their spirits and made them laugh and they wanted more and when they stopped getting that nourishment they just couldn’t put that disappointment aside and swim their best times. They’re just not feeling the same motivation without more Hartley articles and it’s being reflected in the pool.
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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