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A peculiar word keeps surfacing in my interpersonal interactions: bespoke.
Every time I hear it I get confused.
It doesn’t even sound like a word.
It’s two verbs: be and spoke.
It’s like making a word like this: ranyell.
The word comes up in random situations and I start thinking: “Is this person serious? Are they being pretentious? How many years can I go without ever being around this person again? How come I didn’t learn what this word meant a long time ago?
Shakespeare probably used this word but he wasn’t normal plus I took a Shakespeare class in college but got a C which bespoke a lot. I bespoke up in that class.
If you use this word, I’m convinced you’re trying to impress with your erudition. You don’t need to use the word bespoke. No one does nor ever has. So let’s ban it.
Can you see the gladiators swinging swords at each other and yelling “Hey, you bespoke me or I’m going to bespeak you?”
To which the other gladiator retorts: “Screw that. I’m going to ranyell you.”
Two verbs making up one word. It’s like cramming too much mayo onto your ham and cheese Sammie. It’s not necessary, gluttonous, and superfluous.
“I bespoke you,” he said.
“What?” she said.
“Hey man, where is bespoke?” asked Sammy Sportface. “Ever been there? How about we go bespoke? They got a Wendy’s?”
Bespoke means “made for a particular customer or user” as in Sammy Sportface never gets a bespoke suit to wear to glad-hand and/or host dinner parties.
Except once. Please pummel us with your past, Sportface.
In high school, I got a bespoke yellow tuxedo to wear to the prom. It wasn’t bespoke for me but I grabbed it off the rack as soon as I saw it because I wanted to be the one guy at the prom with a yellow tux because I wanted to stand out not only for my dancing but also for my unique threads and to prove to everyone I’m much cooler than Rudy who wore a garden variety, low-risk tux.
I bespoke him that night and haven’t stopped bespoking him since.
To which Rudy said: “Bespoke you, Sportface.”
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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