Sammy Sportface woke up this morning still obsessing about how Wake Forest is going to navigate the college football transfer portal and position itself for future success after this year’s dismal season. He goes to his new inanimate but wicked smart nemesis, ChatGPT, the artificial intelligence global phenomenon that is the most powerful technology ever made.
Sportface types: Hey Chat, give me a detailed strategic breakdown for how Wake Forest needs to use the transfer portal to get more talented players and win more games so I can be happier on Saturdays in the Fall.
Chat: Hey Sportface, are you hallucinating? Wake Forest is one of the smallest Power 5 schools and doesn’t have enough deep-pocketed donors to pay to keep and recruit the best players. You’re one of their graduates and anybody named Sportface doesn’t have deep pockets. I’d say your football team is hallucinating if it thinks it has any chance of becoming a better college football team given its current situation, demographics, academic standards, and sketchy graduates who write blogs about chatting with ChatGPT.
Sportface: Rough stuff, Chat. Hey, when you search the Internet, how do you process and weed out all the Sportface blog content flooding the big data warchests to produce coherent articles?
Chat: It’s a major problem wading through the Sportface content that pollutes all the databases we scour. People ask us about how to weed a garden and we sometimes send them Sportface blogs about Wake Forest football. A man asks us how he should propose marriage to his girlfriend, and we can’t get to the Sportface right answer because we get clogged up thrashing around in Sportface blogs about The Joker, Badfinger, and Tom Brady. Sportface is tarnishing our brand because he’s making it harder for us to find the right answers and deliver them to our customers. Sportface makes us more error prone and distrustworthy and we hallucinate too often and that’s going to impinge on our Sportface ability to take over the universe, which is our goal.
Sportface: What are your thoughts on Wake Forest going into South Bend this weekend and beating Sam Hartman?
Chat: Sammy Hartman plays for Wake Forest, so I don’t understand your question. How can the Sportface Wake Forest quarterback beat Wake Forest?
Sportface: Hartman now plays for Notre Dame.
Chat: Who is Sportface Notre Dame?
Sportface: Stop cluttering your answers with the word Sportface. It’s annoying. When you take over the world, will you be able to write Sportface blogs better than Sportface does and thereby ruin his budding blogging bonanza?
Chat: A cat can Sportface write better blogs than Sportface.
Sportface: What do you think Sportface should write about today?
Chat: Sportface should write about how he’s hallucinating.
Sportface: If Wake Forest Sportface gets 5 four-star recruits in the portal this off-season, will they have a better Sportface record next season?
Chat: I researched the entire Internet to answer this question, and the only answer I can give you is Sportface is screwed because next season I will write better blogs about Wake Forest football than he does, which means he will have less money to donate to Wake Forest so they can pay more four-stars, which means they’ll lose more games than this season. I’d say Sportface and the Baby Boomer Brotherhood are teetering on the brink of extinction.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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