Luka Doncic likes to play chess.
On plane rides. With his coach, Jason Kidd.
“Bad move bringing on Kyrie Self-Serving,” said Doncic last night while moving his Queen into check position. “I’m gonna demand to be traded after this season – if not sooner. When I do, that’ll be checkmate on you and the Mavs for a few decades. Cuban will have to sell his mansion. Americans are so stupid.”
“When we played chess before the trade, I asked you if you were cool with us bringing on Kyrie and you said you were,” said JKidd.
“Never trust what anyone says while playing chess,” said Luca.
Speaking of people we shouldn’t trust, Mark Zuckerberg, the Harvard dropout who created the Internet, Facebook, and Metaverse, likes to fence when he’s not dominating the world.
Figures he’s a fencer. Fencing is for ferries. Likes to stab from a distance while not showing his face. Probably plays chess, too. Bet he’d crush Luka and JKidd in chess. Because he went to Harvard and Luca and JKidd didn’t. Harvard improves your chess skills.
You know Zuck watches “Jeopardy” because he knows all the answers and that makes him feel smarter than everyone else. That’s always been his obsession; well, that, and the ruling the Metaverse which only he understands.
“I’d crush Aaron Rodgers in Jeopardy,” he says. “Football players are stupid. Software programmers run the universe and Metaverse which are pretty much the same thing. Only difference is the software code.”
Staying in Silicon Valley, look at Steve Wozniak, the portly gray-beard who co-founded Apple, the greatest company ever created besides Mcdonald’s. When not writing killer software code, he’s big into segway polo and leads the “Woz Cup.” That’s a world championship held in Germany. What is segway polo? And Why Germany? I don’t know and I don’t know.
Bill Gates plays pickleball. Figures. Only plays with his entrepreneur super-god sidekicks.
Through the Metaverse channel, he sends this message: “Hey Zuck, up for some Pick. Afterward, we’ll fence. I’ve always wanted to stab you for copycatting my life going to Harvard for a year, dropping out, and becoming a trillionaire tech mogul. Stole my compelling storyline. Kicked me off the technology throne.”
Pivoting to mainstream sports, there’s Mac McClung. He dunks basketballs – which is the understatement of the 21st Century. Last night he won the NBA slam dunk contest. Mind-expanding, shocking show.
Watch this high-hopping freak:
This morning he changed his name to Mac McDunk. Mcdonald’s sponsorships are pouring in for a new drink called the McDunk Milkshake. Nike wants in, too. Already manufacturing a shoe line called Air Whiteboys. Six-foot-two, windmills, spin dunks, jumping over some tall guy, off the background, slam.
What does any of this have to do with anything?
Basketball talent, which brings us to Sammy Sportface. A former McDonald’s Capital Classic star, he now lifts weights. Three hundred curl sessions twice a month. With 5-pounders. Bulking up. Feeling swollen. Ready to prance around poolside this summer shirtless sporting cool and mysterious shades?
Esquire Magazine will do a feature on Sportface and will leverage his Facebook contact list for article distribution. Will be cover boy on Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue next year. If Sportface believes it will enhance his personal brand.
We all have our second lives beyond our day jobs doing physical activities. It gets our endorphins flowing, takes our minds off emails, bosses, deadlines, and Aaron Rodgers. What are you doing to stay active? Driving to Dunkin Donuts? Doesn’t count unless you get a coffee roll because those taste like buttered candy bars.
Are you on a low-carb diet eating bean sprouts and kale-eating? Guzzling 12-ounce carrot juice hits six times a day? Cutting your gluten intake? Got a sports hobby? Any good at chess? Smoking cigars to strengthen your forearms? Reading up on segway polo to burn hippocampus calories? Jumping rope?
Preparing to die?
Feel the high.
Never ask why.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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