You may have something cool to experience in your future: sleep apnea. It’s becoming popular among members of the Baby Boomer Brotherhood.
As you sleep, your esophagus closes so you stop breathing. Your hairy chest sweats as your heart shifts into overdrive working to keep you alive. You make up snorting and disoriented, hit the latrine, and settle back down on your pillow for more apnea experiences.
The thing about this condition is that, while it may sound life-threatening and depict images of a tumultuous roll in the hay, sleep apnea delivers you valuable self-actualizing and practical benefits.
Seven, to be exact.
One: Wind-cleaned nostrils
Once diagnosed, you’ll be given a sleep machine that blows air through both your nostrils at 78 miles per hour – all night long. The air funnels through your esophagus and into your chest cavity.
The wind keeps a blowin’. For hours. All through your nose.
Whatever you may have had caught in the crevices of your nose is blown out of there into your body. You wake up and the last thing you need to do is blow your nose. So you eliminate one morning ritual. Nothing better than saving time.
Two: Miss work hours
When you get diagnosed with apnea, you get to cut out of work doing regular hours and visit the sleep apnea doctor. It beats working. He tells you how many times you stop breathing in one minute. If you have a severe case, that’s like 60 times a minute, which means you stop breathing every minute which sounds like you stop breathing for the whole minute every minute which means you don’t breathe at all.
These stats will stagger you a bit, but it beats reading work emails about the latest software patches being updated on your corporate network.
Three: Get to Say “Been There, Done That”
You’re bound to be at some Baby Boomer Brotherhood (BBB) get-together over the next few months and years. And the subject almost certainly will come up. Some BBB will say they just found out they’ve got sleep apnea.
You’ll be able to say “been there, done that” because you will have already been through the experience, and found out you stop breathing all the time while sleeping. You’ll impress the crowd that you got diagnosed with sleep apnea first and will be one of the experts in the room with real-world experiences. People will respect your opinions on the subject.
Four: Bucket List Check Mark
As we start to enter our twilight years, we all have our bucket lists of things that rank high on our lists of things we really want to get done. Experiencing sleep apnea is one of those things on all of our lists.
So when you get diagnosed, you will be able to check the box next to sleep apnea. Accomplishments fulfill our souls.
Five: Learned About Sleep Apnea
We all want to learn as much as we can about life throughout our lives. And once you get sleep apnea, you will learn all about what it is, why it happens, and how to use the wind machine to blow air through your nostrils straight through the night.
Life has so many curiosities and wonders. It’s always exhilarating to explore them, find out all there is to know and soak in knowledge. We’re all called to learn more. Once part of the sleep apnea fraternity, you’ll be more enlightened about one of life’s more peculiar but nonetheless fascinating phenomena.
Six: Card-Carrying Snoring Sensation
Snoring and sleep apnea go together like pillows and pillowcases. You can’t get sleep apnea without being a world-class snorer.
Some of your BBB friends may brag that they’re louder snorers than you. But if they don’t have sleep apnea, you can bet they don’t snore as loudly as you. Winning is everything.
Seven: Branding opportunities
As a legitimate person with this condition, your whole world will open to opportunities to fine-tune your personal brand. Newspaper reporters may be doing a story about sleep apnea and find out you’ve got it. If colorful enough during the interview, you’ll get quoted in the story. Weeks later, someone at the grocery store may come up to you and say “Hey, I saw you quoted in the story.”
Beyond media attention, you’ll be able to speak at national sleep apnea events about your experiences with the condition.
Nothing more enriching than becoming a sleep apnea celebrity.
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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