Sammy Sportface rolls out of bed in sunny Florida. He looks out the window of his hotel room from the 97th floor overlooking the Atlantic.
He notices a rocket shooting across the sky.
“Gotta be Brett Favre firing himself from Tampa Bay across the entire state of Florida to Amelia Island near Jacksonville,” said Sportface to no one.
You may recall this person-turned-rocket scene from two years ago when Tom Brady led the Bucs to the Super Bowl. The rocket ride across Florida emerged as the most thrilling tourist trap in those dizzying days leading up to the big game.
It’s all coming together again, the past becoming the present, déjà vu times two. What we thought to be a one-off scene and football season now has re-crystallized because Tom Brady, who retired from football a few months ago, announced he’s coming back for more Super Bowl titles.
Sportface jumps in his rusty, UPS brown Volkswagen hippie bus and heads down to Tampa Florida to find the latest story angle about Brady’s return, and pick him up for some hard-core partying. Yellowed newspaper clippings of Sportface dealing on DeMatha in high school hitting buzzer-beaters cover the smeared bus windows.
Three hundred miles later, the resurrected sports bloggers enter the gated community where Brady owns five houses adorned with waterfalls, winding pools filled with tiki bars, and supermodels.
Giselle Bundchen, a supermodel herself and Brady’s life partner, opens the door to the main palace.
“So relieved to see you, Sportface,” she said. “Tom hasn’t been the same since you stopped writing blogs about him when he retired. He had to come back and play because he needs the attention he gets when people read about him in your blogs.”
“Tom’s coming with me today,” said Sportface. “You can come, too, Super G. We’re headed over to Daytona Beach to have a reunion beach party like the one we had two years ago when Tom quit the Patriots and joined the Bucs. Everybody’s coming back: Gronk, Roger Goddess, Frankie Avalon, Eric Von Zipper, Bo Derek, Billy Idol, Rebel Yell.”
“What about Ricky Williams?” asked Tom. “We gotta have weed if we’re going to Daytona.”
“Ricky will be there,” said Sportface. “And he’ll bring plenty of weed. Wherever Ricky roams weed roams.”
They pile in the Volkswagen bus.
“Hey Sportface, did you really decorate your bus with newspaper clippings about your high school glory days playing basketball?” asked TB.
“Of course, TB. Gotta live through your past. That’s when I had all my success. Those were my glory days. When you retire, TB, there won’t be any more glory days. You’ll be forgotten.”
“That’s why I came back,” said TB. “I couldn’t stand not being a star with everybody talking about how great I am.”
Brady thinks about wise a human being Sportface is. He deems him a sage and decides on the spot to ask the sports blogger to be his life coach when he retires.
Two hours later the bus pulls into a parking space facing the Atlantic.
“There’s Bo Derek,” said Sportface. “Looks the same as she did in the movie 10.”
The movie was a 10 because Bo was a 10.
“Need some weed,” said TB. “Where’s Ricky?”
One parking slot over, Ricky’s chilling in his own VB wagon taking hits off a joint with Antonio Brown. Brown still sports his Bucs football pants with no shirt, the exact attire he showed the world when he bolted from a Bucs game last season because he wasn’t happy with how often he got the football.
“Hey TB, you can’t have any of this reefer unless you get me back on the Bucs and promise to pass me the ball 28 times a game,” said AB.
“No problem, AB,” said TB. “I make all decisions for the Bucs. Give me that joint.”
Out amid the ocean waves, the three football players turned stoners see a man and a woman close together.
It’s Gronk and Giselle getting reacquainted.
“Hey TB, Gronk’s with your wife in the water,” said Ricky.
“It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last,” said TB. “All I care about is Sportface writing blogs about me, winning another Super Bowl to stick it to Belichick, and smoking weed with you guys.”
To be continued…
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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