0
0
A seven-mile-long, single-file line forms outside the entrance to the transfer portal in the lounge area of Transfer Portal Airlines (TPA) at Newark Liberty International Airport.
Inside it’s getting packed with thousands of transfer portal guys, some of whom may never leave the joint. You can picture them falling into boredom and meandering around in the terminal sauntering and partying away their lives stinking up an airport.
One person in line deserves a shout-out, former Alabama linebacker Eyabi Anoma. After being Roll Tided off the team in 2019, he double-dipped and got booted off of Houston’s squad the following year. At both places, word has it, this green dread-lock-head barked at coaches and teammates like a moody and unnerving German Shepherd dog. Skipped classes too, which makes sense. A disruptive dude is Eyabi-Wan Kenobi.
Agitated waiting in line, the pugnacious prodigy starts beefing with Neon Deion Sanders, who is in line to beef up the body count for his Jackson State college football team. Already this off-season the radiant ray of bright yellow lights has fortified his roster with eight transfer portal players.
“Hey Neon Deion, step out of line, you’re a coach not a player and you already have enough transfer portal players signed up for next Fall,” said Anoma. “I need to get in the portal more than you do so coaches can check me out in the Meat Market. They’ll be dazzled to see I’m a vicious and temperamental guy – jockstrap and all — who could help their team intimidate and dominate other football games.”
“Are you the cat kicked off the Alabama and Houston teams in the past two consecutive years?” asked Deion.
“Sure am.”
“What’s your time in the 40-yard dash?”
“4.43 seconds.”
“How much can you bench press?”
“789 pounds.”
“Clean and jerk?”
“Don’t do clean and jerk. That’s for jerks.”
“Weren’t you the number 4 overall recruit in America coming out of high school?”
“Sure was.”
“Why don’t you come play for me at Jackson State?”
“How much will I make in name, image, and likeness money?”
“Tens of millions. And I promise you’ll be a starter next Fall on my team. Gets better. I’ll urge you to argue with the coaches and players because I like there to be non-stop interpersonal tensions on my football team. Make us tougher and meaner on game days.”
“I’m in, Neon,” said Anoma. “Where’s Jackson State?”
“Who cares?” asked Neon rhetorically. “We’re gonna be loaded with transfer portal stars next Fall from major programs. Dig it: Miami, Florida State, Alabama, Auburn, Illinois, Mississippi, and USC.”
And so the transfer portal stampede rambles on with no real clarity or cohesion. And endpoint to this end game doesn’t exist. Utter mayhem across the sports world. Day after day these past weeks we get smothered by an avalanche of news about another bevy of other guys entering this portal to find something that they couldn’t find where they were (happiness probably).
Where is this headed? Can a coach offer name image and likeness money deals to the starting offensive line for Alabama and entice them to come play for his team? Nick Saban would dye his hair Crimson Tide red if that happened and threaten to burn the NCAA headquarters building in Kansas.
All this is unsettling. If so many guys are entering the portal, what’s happening to the teams they’re leaving? Are they grabbing guys from the portal to fill those vacated slots? What is this — musical football? A merry-go-round of meat market of crass people trading, being swapped and picked up like cattle? Speed dating? Speed networking? Speed taking?
Which brings us to this other trending topic: Everything seems to be about people entering places these days. They enter the transfer portal. They enter Covid-19 quarantine protocols. They enter the NFL draft. They enter rehab.
Is anyone exiting anywhere anymore? Exiting is liberating. By definition leaving is less claustrophobic than entering. We need less claustrophobia or more people will enter the claustrophobia portal. That’ll be way out of our control – and theirs.
And what is a portal anyway? I first heard about a portal at work when we were told our company has an internal portal on our website to access our benefits packages, payroll deductions, and life insurance policies.
But that sounds like something altogether different than the transfer portal. I imagine a portal to be a cylindrical pole in a corporate hallway like a kiosk where people pin notices about upcoming events such as tryouts for the company software team. Is a portal an actual place or an inanimate object? Is it a metaphor? Is it a code word?
Whatever the transfer portal is for I want a tour. But there better be a door because it’s getting really crowded in there. Be careful when you enter Portal Claustrophobia.
To be continued…
Author Profile
-
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
Latest entries
BonusApril 24, 2024German Rides Record 93-Foot Wave In Run Up to Olympics Surfing
BonusApril 22, 2024Old Friends Reconnect As New Friends
BonusApril 21, 2024Sportface Unveils Board of Directors to Land Sneaker Deal
BonusApril 20, 2024A Horrible Life Becomes Great