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Coming out of high school in Texas two years ago, he was the highest-rated high school quarterback in all of these United States of America.
Sporting Billy Idol/Rod Stewart mullet fluffy hair, he knew he had the look to take full advantage of all the name image and likeness benefits now granted NCAA athletes. To launch this enterprise, this pretty boy signed a full scholarship to play for the University of Texas, but then a few weeks later blew that off, entering the transfer portal where he was swiftly offered a scholarship with the Ohio State Buckeyes.
He didn’t play for them because another quarterback was ahead of him. But much more importantly, he inked a $1.4 million deal with GT Sports Marketing to sign autographs. A car dealership also paid him to use his name. So while not having to play football and take hits from bat crazy blitzing linebackers, he pocketed bucks. No sternum bruises and torn labrums for this cat. Just money, money, and more money.
All banked up, after the season he went back to his favorite place, the transfer portal, seeking more financial riches. From there he returned to the University of Texas where he’s projected to be the starting quarterback in the Fall which will no doubt set him up for more name, image, and likeness gigs like posing in designer underwear or driving a teal Corvette.
So let’s do the math. He’s got big jack in his pockets without having to play college football the past two years. Give him credit for exploiting the system and pursuing the American dream: wealth. This opportunistic young man has become a prime example of how to take advantage of the transfer portal for your narcissistic benefit.
Now that it’s the offseason, today this guy is visiting the world-famous transfer portal to see if he can pad his bank account by swinging a few more names, images, and likeness endorsement deals. You need to meet this character, this Johnny-come-moneymaker. Let me reveal to you now the Lion King of Name Image and Likeness Lion King in college football, Quinn Rod Stewart Maggie May Ewers.
Tonight he enters the portal through the bar and lounge area (see the full layout of the portal in hexagon graphic below) where a band called the Fuz cranks out a tune titled “Don’t You Want Me Baby” which fits the transfer portal vibe.
He immediately heads to the nearby game room because he wants to gamble to augment his newfound wealth. There he finds at the blackjack table pro golfer who always gambles, Phil Mickelson.
“Sit down, Quinn, let’s gamble some of that name image and likeness money you hauled in the past year,” said Mickelson.
“Sure Phil,” said Ewers. “As long as you can hook me up with some name image and likeness opportunities while I’m here at the portal.”
“Of course, Quinn,” said Phil. “I’m all about using my name to generate sponsorship money to support my gambling addiction and helping others do the same. Gambling addicts need to ensure they perpetuate more gambling addicts so the money keeps flowing.”
Fifteen minutes later, Ewers exits the game room having lost every one of his million dollars plus to Mickelson. Looking dejected, he comes out and heads down the hallway where he sees the Portal Press Room. Sammy Sportface asks him: “Hey Quinn, are you ever planning to actually play college football, or are you scheming to just use your high school stardom fame to make a bunch of cash doing name image and likeness deals?”
“Who are you?” ask Ewers.
“I’m Sammy Sportface, the blogger who galvanizes, amuses, and entertains the Baby Boomer Brotherhood.”
“I’m not a Baby Boomer.”
“I know but Baby Boomer men are keenly interested in what guys like you are doing in the transfer portal. I’m so convinced that, I’ve set up an entire PowerPoint chart below to show you and them what this place looks like.”
“PowerPoint?” he says. “You’re a has-been.”
Ewers moves on to the film room where Bill Walton is there smoking weed.
“Welcome to by far the most rambunctiously mellow room in the transfer portal’s short but long history,” said Walton. “Take this joint and smoke it. You’ll feel like the transfer portal is spinning around like the teacups at the summer amusement park. You’ll forget all about playing football and just be, just exist. Just sit here taking in the ideas that flow through my head like cattle storming through the portal shaking its foundation like an earthquake.”
Ewers takes a hit, loses himself in thought as Walton continues spewing incongruent exaggerations and the Fuz play “Don’t You Want Me Baby” 10 straight times. They want me, baby, he thinks to himself. The sponsors want a baby-faced top quarterback who has a Billy Idol mullet to sponsor their products. Anyone who doesn’t want me is high, baby.
“I know what you’re thinking and I could not agree more with your thoroughbred thinking,” said Walton. “Now’s the time to get so high on pot that you feel so highly about your net worth that you take your name, image, and likeness strategy into the clouds above where Heaven awaits us all.”
To be continued…
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
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