Like Columbo, I investigated the names of the players and coaches who will be involved in today’s March Madness games.
A few names jumped high off the ground and nearly touched the top of the square on the backboard. Wisconsin’s director of basketball operations, Marc Vandewettering, led the field because his name makes you wonder if:
- he likes to drink a lot of water or
- water his plants in his garden or
- is related to Ki Ki VanDeWeghe.
The assistant coach for the Badgers is Joe Krabbenhoft. Known for crabben moods, he makes up for his uncontrollable behavior by taking the players out for crab feasts once a month at Joe’s Crabhouse.
A player on this Wisconsin team sports the name, Carter Higginbottom. Carter’s been concerned his whole life that there are too many syllables in his last name.
Vandewettering, Krabbenhoft, and Higginbottom better be on guard because the head coach is Greg Gard. He demands defensive pressure the entire game and close guarding of his recruiting strategies.
Baylor’s top name goes to Jonathan Ichamwa Ichatchoua, whose favorite candy bar is the Whatchamacallit.
Shifting to the Eastern European region, you’ll find a player on Florida’s roster named Samson Ruzhentsev, who is a distant relative of a leading Soviet politician in the 1960s, Nikita Khrushchev.
Leading the social media revolution in this tournament is West Virginia’s, Taj Thweatt. Taj will be Thweatting from his bench seat during today’s game.
For those who need their palm read while watching today’s game – a good multitasking idea — you’ll be in good palms with Oskar Palmquist from Rutgers by way of Sweden. His teammate is Mamadou Doulourne whose favorite cartoon dog is Marmaduke.
Out West, check out the play today of Oregon State’s Warith Alatishe. Warith always wants to eat quiche.
He’ll be going against Oklahoma State’s Ferron Flavors, Jr., whose favorite place to eat is Baskin Robbins which boasts 31 flavors of your Ferron ice cream.
You’ll notice several guys playing in the March Madness games this weekend who have lacrosse player names. They are:
- Connor Serven from Bushwood Country Club, Illinois
- LJ Cryer and Zach Loveday from Baylor
- Spencer Macke from West Virginia
- Caleb Daniels from North Texas
None of these guys will get any playing time in today’s games because lacrosse players can’t play hoops.
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