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Feeling a bit sentimental, Sammy Sportface realizes the end of this 11-month sports odyssey fast approaches its final act.
The story ends Sunday. Either Brady wins and cements himself as the greatest football person ever. Or he loses and Belichick gets to say he’s the biggest reason the Patriots won six Super Bowls.
And either Belichick’s underground, a multi-layered, jealousy-laden strategy prevents his former quarterback from winning or Brady outwits him and wins anyway. Ferocious competitors of the most extreme kind, the two men will be feuding to the finish line – and forever after.
Whatever happens, Sportface realizes for posterity the final chapters need to be set down about the greatest story he has ever told. Time runs out. Kickoff draws near. The curtains are closing.
Typing on his PC at his table at the Roger Goddess banquet, he takes it all in, the sites, the scenes, the people. What a gang. Quite a crew. Who knew it would all come together like this?
He watches George Foreman cook his last meal for the meat-loving people. George looks a bit melancholy; he’s never enjoyed using the grills he branded more than on this journey.
His five sons – yes all named George — walk around the tables as waiters with various types of meats on steel spikes: elephant, possum, cow, goat, Belch burger, bratwurst, shrimp, giraffe. Every person gets all you drink Drew Bledsoe wine from his vineyards in Walla Walla, Washington.
He checks out the walls covered with rectangular banners you see in high school gyms for teams that won championships. It’s remarkable the sponsors who’ve promoted this sports adventure: Manscape, Scrotox, TB12, Oscar Meyer, Rosie’s Rubdowns, McDonald’s, Dr. Pepper, McDonald’s, Ramada Inn in Martha’s Vineyard, Arena Eats, and Motel 6.
Then the tables, so many tables, spreading 100’s of yards in all directions. There’s Tom Brady, still studying the Chiefs defense on his flatscreen at his supermodel table as Kathy Ireland and Heidi Klum move in on him in front of his wife, Gisele Bundchen.
There’s the Washington Synders Table. There’s Forrest Gump and Bubba Blue. There’s Rocky, Mr. T. and Buttkiss. There’s Ricky Williams and Cheech and Chong and Dennis Rodman and his two wives, the Siamese Twins, plus the Bearded Lady and The Beard.
There’s the media table: Cris Collinsworth, Al Michaels, Stephen A., Scott Van Pelt, Michael Wilbon, and Tony Kornheiser. And the NFL Busts table: Tony Mandarich, JaMarcus Russell, and Ryan Leaf.
There are just so many people: Mike Leach, Katie Ledecky, Michael Phelps, Phil Mickelson, Peyton Manning, Jameis Winston, Cam Newton, Shaqtus, Jerry Jones, Vince McMahon, all the New England Patriots quarterbacks including Drew Bledsoe, Jim Plunkett, and Steve Grogan, Joe Burrow, T.O., Speed Racer, the Jackson Five, 1 Adam 12 Cops, the Beverly Hillbillies, a Boston priest, Eric Von Zipper, Annette Funicello, Bo Derek, Frankie Avalon, Olivia Newton-John, Aaron Rodgers, Jerry Glanville, Dan Marino, the Greek Freak, Patrick Mahomes, Eric Liddell and Harold Abramson (Chariots of Fire co-stars), Antonio Brown, the barefoot Ethiopian marathon runner, John Elway, and Rosie Ruiz.
And of course, check out all the stars at the head table: Favre, Madden, Walton, Kraft, Andy Reed, Joey Chestnut, Goddess.
As Sportface looked at all these people who became part of this story, the songs played to amplify the action and drama in these 11 months of stories rocked the ballroom:
- “I’ll Be There” Jackson 5
- Chariots of Fire Theme Song
- “You Make Me Feel Like Dancing” Leo Sayer
- “We are the Champions” Queen
- “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” U2
- “Comfortably Numb” Pink Floyd
- “Convoy” by Truck
- “Rocket Man” Elton John
- “Wish You Were Here” Pink Floyd
- “Add It Up” Violent Femmes
- “Bennie and the Jets” Elton John
- “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” Rolling Stones
- “The Way You Look Tonight” The Rolling Stones
Next, the Fez stepped on stage and ripped off these songs they’ve cranked to amplify the ambiance throughout this sports soap opera.
- “Norwegian Wood” Beatles
- “Twist and Shout”
- “Pump It Up” Elvis Costello
- “Look Sharp” Joe Jackson
As they played, everybody got up and danced, one last dance.
All this music, all these people, all these memories.
But for what purpose? What did it all mean?
Sportface is not sure. But he thinks that it was fate. Right at the time Brady left the Patriots he had time on his hands to write. The sports world shut down.
So he started typing. And this is the story that came out. There were air balloons, men rocketing across the state of Florida, Gronk getting manscapes, Stephen A. getting a scrotox, Belichick and Kraft getting rubdowns, Barkley eating pickle sandwiches.
And so, so much more. Donna Summer takes the stage and plays this song:
Sportface stops typing. Tears fill his eyes. Creating this story has enlivened his soul, given his day’s purpose, and connected him with his characters in ways he never could have expected.
They’ve made him laugh more than he ever has in his life.
Even sourpuss Belichick, who happens to be the only character not at tonight’s banquet.
Where is Belch? What’s he up to?
To what lengths will he go to stop Brady from winning seven Super Bowls?
To be continued…
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Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
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