SportStock rocks on to Day 3 in the parking lot and beyond of FedUp Field in Runover, Maryland. Over two million people have attended the event so far — more than double the number who attended Woodstock in 1969.
Most of the two million now rally around Tom Brady’s tent on Supermodel Street. Gisele Bundchen, his wife, along with Kathy Ireland, Heidi Klum, Christie Brinkley, and dozens of other supermodels hang out with their boy Tommy B.
He’s got a 290-inch flat screen in his tent where he’s studying the Wild Card Weekend games while simultaneously reviewing film of last night’s beatdown of the Washington Snyders.
New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft and Bill Belch push their way to the front of the line.
“Tommy, we’ve made a terrible mistake,” said Kraft. “We never should have cut you. We need you back on the Patriots to win us more Super Bowls.”
“You had your chance but Belch cut me,” said Brady. “Now you’re both gonna pay. Get away from my supermodel tent. I’m busy studying film so I can win my 7th Super Bowl and prove to both of you and the rest of mankind that I’m the biggest reason the Pats won six rings and not Belch.”
He uncorks a cannon belch then turns back to studying football on multiple video screens simultaneously.
“I’ll pay you $200 million a year to be my quarterback again,” begs Kraft. “We’re not gonna win more Super Bowls without you and being around Belch all the time is a real downer.”
Brady doesn’t even respond to the offer. Gisele and the other supermodels caress his neck and shoulders as their guy studies football plays.
“You screwed up my franchise royally,” Kraft says to Belichick. “You never should have let this guy go. And for the record, I think he deserves more credit than you for our six Super Bowls.”
Antonio Brown lands his air balloon nearby.
“Get in you old men. You’ve lost Tommy B. forever.”
Kraft and Belichick get in the balloon, rise above the SportStock masses, and float back to Foxboro, Massachusetts all by themselves, two disgruntled aging men approaching the end of their reigns as rulers of the world. As the balloon floats into the netherworld nadir, the two men try to push each other over the edge for a lethal crash landing.
“Hey George, give me some more of that GOAT meat,” yells Brady to George Foreman Senior who is the official grillmaster for SportStock. On this day everybody’s grilling Greatest of All Time meat. Hog meat, yesterday’s main course, got dumped in the trash heap of history.
Nearby, along Hog Heaven Highway, chants erupt: “Snyder must go. Snyder must go. Snyder must go.” These unruly fans, including Sammy Sportface, want the owner of the Washington Synders, who has ruined everything good about this once-proud franchise the past two decades, to get lost and never be involved in this team again. Tommy B. scorched the Synders last night in the Wild Card game ending their lackluster season.
Over on Music Way the warm-up band Credence Clearwater Revival lubricates the crowd with “Run Through the Jungle.” Jimi Hendrix then takes the stage and crackles his guitar so loud to the “Star-Spangled Banner” that the Earth shakes. All of this builds up to the band the crowd comes to see play above all others: the Fez. The rock band opens with “Look Sharp”:
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