Favre Heaves Pigskin Over Superdome As Brady Delivers GOAT Meat to Tailgate

Favre Heaves Pigskin Over Superdome As Brady Delivers GOAT Meat to Tailgate

“Give me a football,” yells Mississippi as he gets out of the Beverly Hillbillies car in the parking lot at the Superdome.

Sportface flips him an official NFL pigskin.

Mississippi stretches his shoulders for a few seconds, then launches the ball over the Super Dome roof landing on the other side where Rosie Ruiz is being hounded by the press for her hoax victory in the marathon from Green Bay to New Orleans.

John Madden can’t control himself: “Did you see that? I mean Brett Favre gets to the Super Dome and what’s the first thing he does? He gets a football and throws it over the entire Super Dome. That’s really something to think about.”

George Foreman starts setting up his George Foreman Grills in the parking lot hours before today’s kickoff at 4:25 pm between the Chiefs and Saints. The Foreman Five start break dancing and the Jackson Five set up their instruments and play “I’ll Be There,” which seems appropriate because the entire caravan is there for the pre-game parking lot grilling.

Tom Brady shows up.

“Hey George,” he says.

Six guys look up. George Senior and his five sons named George.

“It’s time to cook some real meat,” he says. “Fire up this GOAT meat because I’m the greatest of all time. Get it? Hey Favre, chucking a football over the Super Dome never won anybody a Super Bowl? How many you have? I’ve got six. And I’m still playin’. You’re just a has been hawking Tommy Copper junk heaving footballs over the Super Dome in a last-ditch effort to stay relevant.”

“He’s right,” says Rodgers. “You’re a has been. And I’ve got Danica back.”

“Gimme that GOAT meat,” says George Senior. “I was the greatest boxer of all time.”

John Madden says he’s up for eating any kind of meat.

“Turduckens, possums, goats, squirrels, McRibs, cook anything George and I’ll eat it,” he said. “Let’s celebrate one of the all-time great feats and football players of all time, the incredible Brett Favre, who just threw, I mean, I mean, boom, he just threw a football over the Super Dome. I mean there aren’t many guys who can do that. I mean Brett Favre is probably the only one.”

As the GOATs get sizzled, a corn hole game gets underway nearby. It’s Patrick Mahomes flipping the sacks behind his back and through his legs and into the holes without even looking while talking to an insurance agent.

The Greek Freak feels he’s found his soulmate. Like him, Mahomes recently signed a contract worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Together, Mahomes and the Freak became worth about $900 million and are the two richest men in America besides Jeff Bezos.

“We should go into business together,” says Freak. “Let’s buy some things.”

“I already bought 10 U.S. states and the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans,” said Mahomes. “What are you thinking we should buy?”

“I’m thinking Pfizer and Moderna,” says Freak. “They got the vaccines out first. They’re set to make billions.”

“I dunno know,” Freak. “Let me call my agent.”

Stephen A. stands nearby watching. It occurs to him he needs to get the vaccine. He calls his agent.

“I don’t care, damnit, get me next in line for the damn vaccine,” he said. “Stephen A. can’t be standin’ in no damn lines waitin’ to get stuck in the arm. I got to keep bein’ Stephen A.”

Stephen A. notices the six necklaces on the Freak’s neck.

“Gimme one of those gold necklaces, Freak,” he said “Stephen A. need some bling. Give me a damn necklace, Freak.”

“You’re a freak, Stephen A.” said the Freak. “No necklace for you. I’m giving a couple to Sportface. He’s my sports guy I’ll give the inside scoops to from now on.”

Archie Manning shows up at the corn hole venue. He’s carrying a wrapped Christmas present. 

“Here Sportface, this is for you,” he says. “Merry Christmas from the Manning family.”

Sportface rips off the packaging. It’s an Ole Miss football helmet.

“Coolest football helmet ever made,” says Sportface. “They spelled ‘Old’ “Ole” which is wicked cool especially for an institution of higher learning. And it’s in the script. Thanks, Arch. I’ll keep writin’ favorable blogs about Peyton Place episodes on ESPN+.”

Stephen A. is miffed. “Wait a minute, damnit, you tellin’ me Archie Manning brought a damn Christmas present for Sammy Sportface but not one for me, the sports gigantica Stephen A.?”

As Sportface slips on the Ole’ Miss helmet, Danica walks up with Mississippi’s Tommy Copper torso belt and wraps it around his abdomen and lower back area.

“Look at Sportface,” says Mississippi to Rodgers. “Danica, your girl, is diggin’ on Sportface.”

To be continued…

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Sammy Sportface
Sammy Sportface
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