There’s a big U-Haul truck out in front of the South Beach Miami house of Blake Baker, the defensive coordinator for the University of Miami football team.
A real estate agent inserts a “For Sale” sign in the front yard.
Inside, Blake’s on a Zoom call with “The U’s” head coach, Manny Diaz.
“So let’s do a post mortem on yesterday’s game,” says Diaz. “As I think you remember saying heading into the game, the main goal was to stop the run of the Wake Forest star runningbacks, right?”
“That’s right,” said Baker. “Hang on, coach. Somebody’s in my office.”
“Mr. Baker, your house is now officially for sale and people will be wanting to walk through it today. You need to move out within an hour and are never allowed in this neighborhood or in the city of Miami or the state of Florida ever again,” the agent said.
Young strong men cart couches and sofas out the front door into the U-Haul. The house is being emptied pell-mell.
Back to the Zoom call.
“So what happened to the plan of stopping the Wake Forest running game?” asked Diaz. “Things not go how you drew them up?”
“Well we knew they had two good backs and we haad a good scheme to stop them,” said Baker. “I felt good about our preparation.”
The preparation didn’t quite work. Two Wake Forest running backs combined for 544 yards and five touchdowns – the most combined yards by two runningbacks in one game in the history of college football. Wake Forest totaled 778 yards of total offense – a school record. The Hurricanes got wet on, 62-26.
“Hey Baker, are you aware of how many college football games have been played in the history of the sport?”
“I dunno, maybe a few thousand.”
“More like tens of hundreds of thousands,” said Diaz. “And your defense allowed more rushing yards in one game to two backs than any defense in the hundreds of thousands of football games. You should be interviewed today by the Guinness Book of World Records people for a posting on the worst defensive coaching job in the history of football coaching at any level ever in history.”
“Is your house on the market because it better be,” added Diaz.
“Are you firing me, coach?” asked Baker.
“Uh duh. I mean, if you tried to give two runningbacks 544 yards it would be tough to do. They’d get tired of running up and down the field. You did something truly amazing, an athletic feat of mind-blowing proportions. You led a football unit to the worst performance in defensive football history.”