0
0
In a free-flowing and slightly awkward discussion this morning about the health and lifestyle of Sammy Sportface, a young Dr. Jennifer Aniston-looking internist doctor didn’t sugarcoat her assessment.
“You’re on the obesity spectrum, Sportface,” she said. “You’re not morbidly obese but definitely obese.”
“Come on, Doc,” said Sportface. “I’ve been Wally Walker throughout the entire pandemic. Three or four times a week, I walk around my neighborhood each time for two to three miles each. How can I be obese? The math doesn’t add up.”
“Just think how obese you would be if you didn’t walk, Wally,” said Jennifer. “Maybe you should see a nutritionist.”
“Let me tell you about my experiences with nutritionists,” said Sportface.
He pointed to the large coffee he was holding drenched with extra sugar, extra cream, and extra pumpkin sauce.
“My last nutritionist wasn’t sure how to get me to lose weight, in part because I was undisciplined and love fast feed, but she told me she was 100 percent certain I was addicted to sugar.
“That was the last nutritionist I ever went to and the last one I ever will go to,” he said. “The one I went to before that last strained relationship didn’t like me writing newspaper columns sort of summarizing what we talked about and bringing a copy of them to our meetings to show him and talk about them. So he told me he wasn’t in the nutrition business anymore when I tried to schedule another meeting with him.
“That’s not all. The nutritionist before that kept telling me I was a goofball for coming to our meetings chewing a wad of Big League Chew Bubble Gum. I was doing it to avoid eating while still nursing my oral fixation. I thought it was a good strategy, a compromise, yet she poo poo-ed it instead of encouraging my creativity and demonstration of a commitment to lose weight.”
Dr. Aniston took all this in.
“Well, just think how morbidly obese you would be right now if not for all the walking you’ve been doing, Wally.”
She then instructed Sportface to lay down on the examination table. She felt his belly.
“See that bulb-like thing sticking out of your belly,” she said. “That’s probably a hernia.”
“I thought it was just a fat stomach,” said Sportface. “What does that mean?”
“It means we can schedule you for surgery and cut out your hernia,” she said.
“Ain’t doing that, Jenny, not today.”
She felt around some more.
“What’s will all the fat bulbous things on your belly?” she asked.
“My previous doc said they’re fatty deposits, that I didn’t need to worry about them.”
“They’re big,” she said.
“Yeah, the biggest one is lodged just below my breastplate and just above my rib cage. Sometimes when I sit for a long time watching TV I stand up and it feels like I’ve got a forest fire burning on my ribs.”
“Maybe we should check out those bulbs further.”
“No, Doc. I’m cutting you off. No more touching and poking and you getting new ideas for tests you can do and thinking up things that are wrong with me,” said Sportface. “We’re done for today.”
Sportface stood up and gulped down his pumpkin coffee delight. On his way home he hit Dunkin’ Donuts again for a Maple Sugar/Bacon/Egg Croissant, two double chocolate donuts, and a king-sized coffee roll to wash it all down.
Author Profile
-
Sammy Sportface, a sports blogger, galvanizes, inspires, and amuses The Baby Boomer Brotherhood. And you can learn about his vision and join this group's Facebook page here:
Sammy Sportface Has a Vision -- Check It Out
Sammy Sportface -- The Baby Boomer Brotherhood Blog -- Facebook Page
Latest entries
BonusApril 22, 2024Old Friends Reconnect As New Friends
BonusApril 21, 2024Sportface Unveils Board of Directors to Land Sneaker Deal
BonusApril 20, 2024A Horrible Life Becomes Great
BonusApril 15, 2024Dancing in the Meadowlands – Then Darting Away