Bonus

Browns Brainstorm To Intellectually Challenge Josh Rosen

Browns Brainstorm How To Intellectually Challenge Josh Rosen

The Cleveland Browns, who lost all sixteen games last season, are working hard to reverse the fortunes of this franchise.

In one prime example, the president, general manager, and coaches of the Cleveland Browns sat today around a conference table in an office in their team facility holding an all-day brainstorming session.

Photo courtesy of bleacherreport.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This group has decided they want to pick UCLA quarterback Josh Rosen first in the upcoming NFL draft.

The room is littered with whiteboards and ideas written on them in various colors. The ideas are aimed at making Rosen intellectually stimulated so he’s fulfilled playing for them next season.

Why?

Because this week they learned from Rosen’s college coach, Jim Mora, that Rosen needs to be intellectually challenged. Evidently, the young man has a lot of interests, a probing mind, and can find football boring. Rosen doesn’t accept everything he hears at face value. He not only wants to know what but also the why. Don’t just give Rosen a fact. You better have supporting and substantiated evidence backed by empirical research.

The leadership team of the Browns wants this young man, whom they envision to be their franchise quarterback for the next decade, to feel he will be intellectually engaged if he comes to play for them.  So, on the whiteboards, they captured several ways they plan to give this person what he needs to feel whole.

Next season when he joins the team, for example, the Browns will sweeten his contract by offering Rosen a weekly seminar at the facility focused on the cross-pollination of political science and religious history in America from the 1700s until now. It will be the equivalent of a 400-level master’s degree course.

Photo courtesy of colourbox.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The professor will give Rosen a pop quiz before each class, a mid-term and final exam, and a 40-page term paper due before the Browns season ends, which will be before the playoffs begin. Rosen will be required to present his key paper takeaways in a PowerPoint slide presentation to his teammates the night before the final game of the season.

To further his intellectual stimulation, the Browns will require that Rosen read five books on nanotechnology written by academics. Rosen will be assigned to write a thesis paper on how this technology could help the NFL figure out, for instance, what is a catch and what isn’t. As part of this initiative, Rosen will lead a series of weekly brown bag lunches with his teammates and team administrators during which he will share what he’s been learning about nanotechnology and its relevance to improving instant replay technology.

Before every practice and game, the Browns will also allow Rosen to solve a crossword puzzle. While the rest of the team opens practices with stretching exercises, Rosen will not be required to stretch so his mind can be engaged in completing the puzzle.

“We can’t draft this guy and bore him with just football,” said the team’s president. “Clearly his interests are vast and his mind expansive. Whatever we need to do to make him intellectually stimulated we will do. He’s that good of a quarterback and we’re that bad of a football franchise.”

Author Profile

Sammy Sportface
Possibly America’s best sports blogger. Sometimes relevant and insightful. Often funny and satirical. Mostly mysterious and unpredictable. Only mildly interested in the truth.
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Most Popular

To Top
%d bloggers like this: