March Madness Renamed March Gladness
It shouldn’t be called March Madness.
The correct name for this annual college basketball extravaganza, which starts next week, should be March Gladness.
We are not mad about this tournament. On the contrary, we are glad to have these three weeks of college basketball to divert our attention from the all-consuming tornado of problems and conflicts that permeate our daily lives.
Instead of thinking about paying our mortgages, we cogitate over who will win the West Region and which number one seed has the toughest road to hoe to make it to the Final Four. Rather than worrying about how well we are performing at our jobs, we worry about filling out our tournament brackets and hope we picked the right upsets to win the office bracket pool. Instead of being productive with house chores, we get productive watching countless basketball games, using our minds to analyze the action on the court.
T’is the season. Selection Sunday is in two days and the games begin two days later. Set your microwave oven timer. Buy frozen pizza. Get some Doritos and ranch dip. Get some sodas such as Fanta Grape. Prepare yourselves for physical and visual indulgence. If you plan to do any exercise, get it done before March Gladness begins because once the bevy of games start you won’t have time to go to the gym. You will busy watching the avalanche of hoops games.
Stop reading email. Put off paying your bills. Turn off your computers and smartphones. Fire up your TV sets.
This is the time of year when you don’t have to be responsible for anything except watching college basketball games. Put your lives on hold. Set aside your goals. Forget about career objectives. Lose sight of what really matters to you. Convince yourself that watching college basketball games for the next three weeks is the only important thing in your life.
This is as it should be. You deserve these three weeks of basketball bliss. The world owes you this indulgence. You’ve paid your debt to society. Now it’s your turn to eat.
Let us rejoice in March Gladness.
- Possibly America’s best sports blogger. Sometimes relevant and insightful. Often funny and satirical. Mostly mysterious and unpredictable. Only mildly interested in the truth.