Bonus

SS: How Cold Is it At the Winter Olympics?

How Cold Is it At the Winter Olympics?

It’s so cold in South Korea at the Winter Olympics that Frosty the
Snowman is staying inside by his fire keeping warm eating mashed
potatoes. You know about him; he was made of snow but the children
know how he came to life one day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s so cold in South Korea that ice
is freezing. It’s so cold in South Korea that the athletes are
cuddling together at night in the Olympic Village, which is impairing
their abilities to perform at their peaks in their sporting events.
It’s so cold in South Korea that igloos are being evacuated. It’s so
cold in South Korea that George “The Iceman” Gervin is shooting a
basketball near the bobsled venue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s so cold in South Korea that
peoples’ shoulders are cold and people are giving each other the cold
shoulders. It’s so cold in South Korea that people are throwing
snowballs at each other to keep warm. It’s so cold in South Korea that
people from Iceland are watching the games from warmer countries that
don’t have the word “Ice” in their names. It’s so cold in South Korea
that tomato-haired Shaun/Shawn/Sean White has dyed his hair white to
look like Lindsay Vonn’s and to match the color of the half-pipe
venue’s snow.

It’s so cold in South Korea that the ski jump
competition is being held inside NBC’s International Broadcasting
Center. It’s so cold in South Korea that Ralph Garcia decided not to
send Sammy Sportface to cover the events out of fear that Sammy might
freeze solid and therefore not be able to write weather-related sports
blogs from South Korea.

It’s so cold in South Korea that every person
is wearing ten pairs of gloves, ten hats, and ten pairs of foot
warmers while counting backward, day and night from 10 to 0, to focus
their minds on counting rather than how cold they are. It’s so cold in
South Korea that the sheep are sleeping under their own sheepskins.
It’s so cold in South Korea that portable heaters are selling for
$100,999 apiece plus tax.

It’s so cold in South Korea that the local movie theatres are all
showing the same film around the clock: “The Iceman Cometh.”

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Sammy Sportface
Possibly America’s best sports blogger. Sometimes relevant and insightful. Often funny and satirical. Mostly mysterious and unpredictable. Only mildly interested in the truth.
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