Please Don’t Tell Me Your Name is Rhys
There are at least four or five spellings of his first name that would make more common sense than his real name: Rhys Hoskins.
The list of more sensible spellings, for the name of this star rookie with the Philadelphia Phillies, includes Reece Hoskins, Rease Hoskins, Rece Hoskins, and Reis Hoskins. Much farther down the logical list would be his real first name, Rhys.
In the history of the world, there has never been a guy named Rhys, not even some Shakespearean cameo character or some highly acclaimed London theatre critic. Google it. If you find one, I’m wrong but that’s not the point.
Rhys almost looks like the word rye toast. Rye toast is underrated but that’s not the point. When this guy got named, somebody must have been thinking of Ryan or Rhyne or Ryne Sandberg or something, or maybe Royster. Who knows?
The pronunciation of his real name is up for grabs. Should it be pronounced Rhys so it rhymes with a kiss, or Rhys so it rhymes with leaves, or Rhys so it rhymes with rice or Rhys so it rhymes with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups?
I don’t know, man. My research department informs me that his middle name is Dean. How cool would it be if it last name was Memminger? The original Dean Memminger played guard for the Knicks and Marquette back in the 1970s. If this Rhys guy was named Dean Memminger, he would be the second-coolest guy ever to have that name.
It might help if the last name of Rhys was Hopkins instead of Hoskins because more people have heard of Johns Hopkins University than Hoskins University if there is one. Google if you need to know. I don’t.
Somehow Dean Hoskins seems so much more straightforward. Why can’t that be his name? Why do we have to grapple with Rhys? It all seems so unnecessary. Can you imagine how many times in his life he is going to have to spell out his name for someone after they ask him “Is that spelled R-E-E-C-E?”
“No,” he will have to say one hundred million times. “It’s R-H-Y-S.”
They will have to double check. “Did you say your name is spelled R-H-Y-S?”
“How do you pronounce that? Does it rhyme with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups?”
Was he named Rhys because he was projected to be a lacrosse player? Like Steele, Conner, and Cameron, Rhys is a lacrosse name.
None of this Rhys hysteria was necessary. All the back and forth conversations, the double-checking of spellings and pronunciations, the lacrosse speculation – none of us needed to go through all this.
Let’s call him Dean Hopkins from now on.
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