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Sammy Sportface: Mixed Gender Relay Team in 2020 Olympics

Caitlyn Jenner, Ledecky, Lochte, and Sportface to Lead U.S. Mixed Gender Relay Team in 2020 Olympics

So wait, this means I will finally get my chance to prove to the swimming snobs of the world that I was, am, and will be the greatest athlete in the history of Little Flower School?

All I have to do is qualify for the men’s U.S. Olympic swimming team and be one of the two fastest male swimmers and I will get to swim against Katie Ledecky?

Affirmative, Holmes.

You’ve got to be amped about three years from now when you will see Katie and me in Tokyo, Japan in the first-ever 4 x 100 mixed gender Olympic medley relay. This week the International Olympic Committee announced that this event has been added to the swimming events for the 2020 Games.

Caitlyn Jenner on line one. Hey, Caitlyn, swim in the pool right now. Put your head under water, stare at that black line underneath you, and swim millions of laps as fast you can every day until August 2020. You need to be one of the fastest men and/or women in America in at least one stroke.

Focus on breaststroke. You feel that race.

We need you on the team. It will create mass confusion at the Games about whether you are on the mixed gender team as a man or a woman. Let’s face it, you’re both.

In the race, we could pretend you’re a man or a woman, just like you do, or have done, and will continue to do in real life. You could become the first former Gold Medalist in the Olympic Decathlon to have become a woman and then went on to win Gold in the first-ever Olympics mixed gender relay.

It will be a bigger media circus than when you left the Kardashians hit TV show as a father to become a woman who liked, and likes, to wear gowns and lipstick. You’ll be back on the cover of all the national magazines such as Swimswam. Bloggers will bloviate about you. The tenor of headlines will be something like “Jenner To Do Breast for Mixed Gender Relay” or “Swimming World Confused About Jenner’s Qualifications for Mixed Gender Relay.”

To win the breaststroke spot, you would have to be faster than Libby King, who took Gold in the 2016 Olympic Games in the 100-meter breaststroke. Or maybe you could register as Bruce Jenner and qualify by beating the fastest male breaststroker in America who, at the moment, is somebody, but in three years could be somebody else.

Times change in swimming.

Hey IOC, need some clarification: Will men be doing the breaststroke or women? Or will women be doing the freestyle or men? Or will men do the fly and the back and woman the breast and the free? Paging Rowdy Gaines for more insights and details.

Come on, Caitlyn. Channel Bruce. You did it once and it got you Gold in the Olympic Decathlon in 1976. Join me on the team. You’ll do the breast. I’ll do the fly. Katie will do the free. And Ryan Lochte will do the backstroke.

Can you see the four of us on the Gold Medal podium? You, me, Katie and Ryan. Tears will be in our eyes. The Star Spangled Banner will play. I will be wearing my Little Flower grade school Hall of Famer T-shirt. These words will be inscribed: “Katie Ledecky is the second greatest athlete in Little Flower School history.”

All those Swimswammers who thought I was messing around and a jerk when I claimed last August that I am the best athlete in Katie Ledecky’s grade school history will have to lick chlorine.

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Sammy Sportface
Possibly America’s best sports blogger. Sometimes relevant and insightful. Often funny and satirical. Mostly mysterious and unpredictable. Only mildly interested in the truth.
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