Book About Writing Focuses On Failures, Fear, and Heart

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I had an interesting conversation with one of my family members the other day. He asked me why I didn’t seem to know much about history. There are several answers to this. One is that I don’t think what happened in the past, like in the times of ancient Greece, helps me make money today so I can buy groceries. So far I think I’m right.

I also don’t read much history because I’ve been fearful of getting fired from my job pretty much throughout my career. It hasn’t happened in every situation, but I tend to worry that when the boss is talking to his boss behind closed doors they’re talking about my sub-par performance and/or how to get rid of me without it costing the business much money.

This is called paranoia mixed with self-doubt and cynicism. Maybe you can relate.

So instead of reading books about Greece circa one million B.C., I read books that help me increase my chances of avoiding getting let go on topics such as how to be a better writer and how to get along better with work colleagues. I’m big into self-help books and am unashamed to admit this. Reading them makes me feel I’m doing all I can to hold onto gainful employment.

My favorite type of book to read is anything that instructs on how to write more powerfully, insightfully, and, most crucially, without inhibition. Usually, these are books by other writers who offer various tips. This week I finished reading You The Story: A Guide to Craft Through Memory by Ruta Sepetys and it reminded me once again that writing, ultimately, is about sharing fears, personal embarrassments, and deep and soul-baring emotions.

It always comes back to this: tell the truth, be vulnerable, don’t hold back, and let it all go for the world to see without misgivings about whether anyone will dislike or like you more because of what you write.

Fear

In this book, the author tackles fear in a blunt way that makes me feel I’m not the only writer who has been afraid. “Writer’s block is fear. Fear that it won’t be good enough, fear that we’re not good enough fear. We fear that others will hate it, fear that we’ll never write something worthwhile, fear that maybe we’re not worthwhile.”

As recently as five years ago and dating back to when I started writing some 40 years ago, I feared all these emotions and doubts. But not anymore. I am good enough. I do have a right to call myself a writer. I’m not worried that someone will hate what I write. And what I write is worthwhile to me; this isn’t a waste of time. It’s time well spent doing something to share with people who may benefit from reading it.

Even if they don’t, I benefit from having expressed these ideas because I feel I’m doing what I’m meant to do. Writing is why I am here. I am worthwhile in my view and isn’t that so important to know, for all of us to know about ourselves?

Humiliation

We’ve all been humiliated. I once forgot the words to a solo I was supposed to sing in front of 200 or so parents, siblings, and friends at a school festival. Everyone saw me blow it. There have been so many other blunders most painful of which have been writing contests I entered but didn’t win and book manuscripts that got rejected.

The author makes the important point that all this humiliation is useful material for writers.

“I’m grateful to know what it’s like to have my heart fall in the mud to be humiliated, to be sitting alone at a restaurant while diners send pathetic glances my way. It’s all research. It’s experiencing all that life has to offer. Deeply and fully.”

Think of how boring my writing would be if I experienced nothing but success. It’s good for me to have lived through miserable events – including close friends who have died — because I get to relive them, work through them intellectually and emotionally, and let them out of the barn onto this page.

Emotion

The emotion I feel right now is gratitude that I have reached the age of 61 and, if it all ended today, I would feel I had done a good job professionally and as a father and husband. I don’t feel I intentionally hurt anyone and followed the rules of society and, while absolutely imperfect, I’m not a terrible person. A good person is who I believe I am though too self-centered which I still need to work on very seriously.

The author writes these uplifting words: “When the creators put a piece of themselves into their work, it was more likely to become successful. The smallest kernel of emotional truth carried some sort of magical resonance…Strong writing is rooted in emotion and imagination.”

The emotion I am sharing is one of pride in a job well lived. Albeit far from flawless, I have done well nonetheless.

Feelings

Men are supposed to hold in their feelings. When they don’t they’re often viewed as weak. I don’t buy that. Letting people know how you feel is natural. Holding it all in will make you mentally ill or lonely or feel misunderstood and angry. Don’t keep your emotions to yourself. Unleash what you feel.

“Experience is less about where we’ve traveled and worked or what we’ve seen. It’s more about feelings…and when we acknowledge the infinite number of emotions that we’re capable of feeling, we realize that there are an infinite number of ways to feel – and be human. That’s beautiful. And that’s worth writing about.”

If I worry about how you feel about this writing, I’d be guessing. I don’t know how this will make you feel. So I won’t try. I will simply open my heart to you with the idea that life is a wonderful experience that I am so glad to be a part of.

About the importance of the human heart, the author writes: “What matters most to your readers is how the story makes them feel…cling tight to that essential, core element: heart. The heart is a connector. And that’s the goal: to facilitate deeper understanding through story and memory. That brings us closer. If we never share our story, we cement ourselves into a place of certainty that no one will ever understand.”

So I’ll share with you a little story. For the past five weeks, I’ve been at the beach working most of the time but this week taking off for rest. Each day off I’ve been traveling to Starbucks to do what I’m doing now, writing articles. And while doing this I’ve had a breakthrough in my thinking about why I’m doing this.

I’m doing this because I feel it’s worthwhile for my feelings of self-worth. It gives meaning to my life. I like doing this. It’s about leaving something for after I’m gone. Maybe someone will read this one hundred years from now and gain insight, wisdom, or hope.

That possibility is reason enough for having written this, and what I have written before, and what I will write in the future.