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Determined to strengthen the play of its defensive secondary after giving up 67 touchdown passes last season — partly due to larger receivers jumping higher than them and partly because they didn’t swat away the passes with any kind of consistency — Wake Forest has gone into the transfer portal to find considerably taller defensive backs.
Beating the bushes across the world’s seven continents, they have found three guys who will be starting week 1 against Elon University in 11 days. They are 7 foot 9 inch Jozef Tall from Slovakia (south of Poland); 7 foot 10 inch Vedad Tall from Herzegovina (south of Sarajevo); and 7 foot 11 inch Manute Tall from the Dinka Tribe in Africa’s South Sudan. The tallest people in the world live in these three far-flung places.
The thinking behind the acquisition of these three giants is that when quarterbacks throw jump ball passes in the endzone they will be tall enough to swat these balls away. Opposing offenses may not even try the jump ball play because there’s no way their receivers will be able to elevate above the three Wake Forest giants.
The fourth man in the secondary will be five-foot-ten-inch Malik Mustapha, a returning starter from last season. His hard-hitting, all-over-the-field presence earned him a starting slot again this season and he’ll be called on to make a lot more tackles because the 7 footers won’t be as nimble afoot nor muscular in their upper bodies and won’t have any experience tackling football players.
Over at the Scale Fine Arts Center on the Wake Forest Campus, costume designers are frenetically building custom-designed uniforms to fit the gigantic players – three of the tallest human beings towering over the planet and, by far, the tallest to ever play college football.
In the new Wake Forest football facilities, a special room has been built for the three players with ceilings 40 feet high and black and gold L-shaped couches 30 feet by 70 feet. A special dorm within the athletic palace is being built where the three players will live together. Each of their beds will extend 11 feet to ensure they get a good night’s sleep before every game and don’t bump their heads on the headboards.
Mustapha will room with them to build a bond among all the secondary starters. He’ll sleep in a normal-sized bed.
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