Sportface Releases March Madness Upset Alerts
Watch out, North Carolina Tar Heels. You are going to get upset by Lipscomb in the first round of the March Madness hoop tournament.
No one knows who Lipscomb is or where they’re from but no matter. They will dethrone last year’s national champions in the first round of the tourney that starts next week. Lipscomb sounds like a contact lens company.
Another guaranteed upset will be Bucknell’s defeat of Michigan State in the first round. Sure, Michigan States is a lot more talented than Bucknell but that doesn’t mean anything. This March madness tournament has countless examples of teams with inferior talent to their opponents winning the games.
When Bucknell pulls off this monumental victory, America will take notice and it will remind us all that this tournament never disappoints when it comes to upsets.
After the Bucknell win, there will be a huge party on that campus. The students will get rowdy. They will stay out late. Go there that night if you want to have a good time.
Duke will beat Iona.
Oklahoma’s Trae Young will lead his team to the Sweet 16.
Penn will shock Kansas in the first round. There will be a rockin’ party on Penn’s campus that night. There will be food and drink. Some students who had planned to study that night will party instead because they will decide that having fun is more enjoyable than studying. Everybody on the Kansas campus will be bummed out.
Despite being a baseball school, Cal State Fullerton will win its first-round game against whatever team they are playing. They will lose to Trae Young in the Sweet 16.
South Dakota State won’t win because that state is not a basketball mecca. There aren’t that many guys from South Dakota who are really good hoopers and that has been true since James Naismith invented the sport 100 years ago.
- Possibly America’s best sports blogger. Sometimes relevant and insightful. Often funny and satirical. Mostly mysterious and unpredictable. Only mildly interested in the truth.