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For the first time in the 55-year history of the Super Bowl, there will be a 30-second ad touting the benefits of smoking cannabis on Super Bowl Sunday next February 7, 2021.
The medical use of cannabis — often associated with marijuana but allegedly much safer — is legal in 35 U.S. states, and 15 states have legalized recreational use of the leafy substance.
“This is a big breakthrough for the NFL,” said Ricky Williams, who quit his starting running back position with the Miami Dolphins in 2004 to go smoke weed every day. “I’ve been arguing for years that cannabis and weed are good for the soul and now, finally, the NFL is recognizing the psychic and spiritual benefits.”
Williams has already been making his preferences known about substances as an honorary member of the endzone pirate ship at Tampa Bay Buccaneers games. He snatched this gig this past Spring after winning over the team’s quarterback, Tom Brady, by getting him stoned to celebrate Brady’s extrication from Bill Belichick and the tyranny that is New England Patriots football.
“I’ve seen the light when it comes to cannabis,” said Brady. “Ricky brought the goods to our Daytona Beach celebration party and even got NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell turned on to the substance. Roger got busted by the fuzz and thrown in jail, but they let me off because they believe I’m going to bring a Super Bowl to Tampa Bay this season.”
The controversial ad has garnered widespread support around the league. Patriots owner Robert Kraft spoke highly of cannabis and the placement of this Super Bowl ad because he has had first-hand experience partying with Ricky during the pandemic.
“Ricky’s right about cannabis,” said Kraft. “You should have been there the day we picked him up on the side of the road in Idaho and he got in the car and lit up a bone for Belichick, Goodell, and me. The coolest part was right after that we drove for 460 miles without saying a word to each other, lost in our own thoughts and fantasies.”
Former NFL players were also on board with the cannabis advertising paradigm shift.
“I was addicted to plenty of drugs after I became the biggest bust in NFL history,” said Ryan Leaf, who now gives motivational speeches. “The NFL is a stressful place and cannabis exactly the elixir that’s needed to calm everybody down and just mellow out.”
Another all-time NFL bust, Tony Mandarich, sounded very similar to Leaf in his praise of the cannabis ad.
“Like Leaf, I busted as an NFL player after entering the league as the most highly touted college lineman of all time,” he said. “So I turned to drugs to solve my problems. Many of them made me big, strong, and crazy. But cannabis won’t be like that. It’s legal in 35 states so it’s bound to be safe and it’s bound to make the NFL and its fans enjoy life more than they do now.”
NFL Commissioner Roger Goddess was hesitant to comment because the last time he got involved with dope he ended up in a Daytona Beach jail cell.
To be continued…
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