{"id":52951,"date":"2022-07-03T01:59:13","date_gmt":"2022-07-03T05:59:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ngscsports.com\/?p=52951"},"modified":"2022-07-03T01:59:43","modified_gmt":"2022-07-03T05:59:43","slug":"60-year-old-man-laments-looking-like-a-chia-pet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ngscsports.com\/2022\/07\/03\/60-year-old-man-laments-looking-like-a-chia-pet\/","title":{"rendered":"60-Year-Old Man Laments Looking Like a Chia Pet"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n \t<\/i> Read Time:<\/span>2 Minute, 23 Second <\/div>\n\n <\/div>

Some men lose their hair starting in late high school. And some sport shiny dome heads by the end of college such as my friend Birdman; or certainly by their late forties like, say, Arnold Bradley Fagg. Ahhhhh, the life of a man.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then there are the rare exceptions, the hair outliers. I ran into one of these freaks of hair recently. My friend JMAC, who is 60 years old, has a full noggin of slightly curly gray hair.<\/p>\n

\n

No comb-over. No high forehead whatsoever. Just hair everywhere. Ninety-nine percent of us didn\u2019t have as full a head of hair at age 12 as JMAC does today. Bushy, powerful, unrelenting, MAC\u2019s hair is everywhere.<\/p>\n

\n

We should take a picture of it and send it to Rogaine and tell them JMAC credits that product for his whole head of hair. And they\u2019d send him a royalty check and ask him for a testimonial which he would not give them because he doesn\u2019t believe in spending time on things that don\u2019t interest him.<\/p>\n

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A picture of JMAC lying in his hammock showing his hair should be taken and placed in the Museum of Natural Hair for people to gawk at. \u201cLook at that gray-haired man,\u201d some kid will say. \u201cHe\u2019s got a full head of hair. Was that the style back in the 1800s?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

As complete as it looks compared with the rest of us Baby Boomer Baldies, his hair seems out of place sort of like a Baby Boomer Brother hosting a Tupperware party for women who used to play college softball.<\/p>\n

\n

There are millions of guys in high school who have lost more hair than JMAC.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have to go to get a haircut constantly,\u201d says JMAC. \u201cThe barber is fascinated with my hair. He likes to run his fingers through it. I find that creepy though understandable so I let him cop a feel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

JMAC complains it\u2019s actually more of a curse than a blessing to have lost no hair at such an old age. He can\u2019t get it to fall out. Several times he\u2019s yanked it out but it keeps growing back in full. His hair cuppeth runneth over.<\/p>\n

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He says he looks like a Chia Pet \u2013 and he\u2019s spot on. A fad sensation in the 1980s, Chia Pets are fully hairy figurines of puppies, kittens, and frogs. And people have been depicted as Chia Pets including Abraham Lincoln and George Washington.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cI wish my hair would fall out,\u201d said JMAC. \u201cI want to look like all my other man friends who have shiny domes like Brad and Sonny. Having a full head of Chia Pet hair at my age makes me feel out of touch with the times. It\u2019s like having a large left testicle like my friend Will.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Some men lose their hair starting in late high school. 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