{"id":37739,"date":"2020-06-09T06:28:03","date_gmt":"2020-06-09T10:28:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ngscsports.com\/?p=37739"},"modified":"2020-08-20T11:49:01","modified_gmt":"2020-08-20T15:49:01","slug":"sportface-beach-booze-cruise-headed-for-ship-wreck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ngscsports.com\/2020\/06\/09\/sportface-beach-booze-cruise-headed-for-ship-wreck\/","title":{"rendered":"Sportface Beach Booze Cruise Headed for Ship Wreck"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n \t<\/i> Read Time:<\/span>2 Minute, 35 Second <\/div>\n\n <\/div>

Say goodbye to these sophomoric sailors, all card-carrying members of the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Out on the water, they will ride today into the filthy fungi of the Bethany Beach Bay abyss. Foul language will fly through the air. Sins will be committed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rudyface will be there running his big mouth like he has his entire life. We will all have to listen to him criticize and manipulate, humiliate, and cajole.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sammy Sportface, sporting his Ernest Hemingway gray beard, will be taking notes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Around the boat we will go, brother after brother, guestimating the size of Head\u2019s Head. Is it bigger than the circumference of Chevy Chase Circle?<\/span><\/p>\n

Nah, much bigger.<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it the size of Chicago?<\/span><\/p>\n

Nah, much bigger.<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it the biggest head in the history of mankind?<\/span><\/p>\n

No, bigger.<\/span><\/p>\n

Somebody invited Gil. Who was that? Throw him overboard. The dude refuses to own his childhood madness. He thinks he can be boring in middle age and that will make his past disappear from our memories.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s not possible because we were all severely traumatized being around him as kids. Every day of our lives we have had to cope with how Gil affected us.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now let\u2019s contemplate Whit. Dude puffed two packs a day of Marlboros in fifth grade. In sixth raised his game to three packs a day of Camels.<\/span><\/p>\n

Smoking thousands of cigs didn\u2019t help him catch up to Sportface\u2019s fastball though. One time at Our Lady of Mercy in 1975 he stood at the plate in blue jeans and a cut-off undershirt with a cig in his mouth. The other 11-year-olds wore Little League uniforms. Whit postured as if he expected to jack Sportface\u2019s ball to Frederick.<\/span><\/p>\n

He had hit puberty at 9 years old, a few weeks before even Sportface. The other kids at the game including Rudyface didn\u2019t reach puberty for three more years except for Spoogface.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sportface fired one at 98 miles per hour. Whit popped it up. The ball went up millions of feet and scraped the moon. From centerfield, Rudy yelled at his teammate: \u201cDamn, Chuck, that lunatic St. Ann\u2019s kid rocked you to the moon.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Onward we will ride on the fungus bay arguing whether Whit started puffing Camels in sixth or seventh grade.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Mayhem will begin. Personality conflicts will take over. The boat will capsize. The Bethany Beach News will interview Sportface about the incident:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThings got ugly on the boat,\u201d he said. \u201cThe trouble started when Rudy started insulting everybody. It ended with us heaving each other in the drink. We all worked together to capsize the boat. None of us wanted to be together for a boat ride anyway.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Whit, annoyed his boat was ruined, swam back to shore and lit up a Camel.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is a big blow to the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood,\u201d he said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWho cares?\u201d asked Rudy. \u201cSammy Sportface was a boondoggle from the jump. This booze cruise travesty should put the nail in the coffin of the Sportface enterprise once and for all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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Say goodbye to these sophomoric sailors, all card-carrying members of the Sammy Sportface Baby Boomer Brotherhood.\u00a0 Out on the water, they will ride today into the filthy fungi of the… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":39,"featured_media":37740,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Sportface Beach Booze Cruise Headed for Ship Wreck By Sammy Sportface @NGSCSports","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1713],"tags":[2229,2365,1340,2799,2832,2514],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nSportface Beach Booze Cruise Headed for Ship Wreck<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sportface Beach Booze Cruise Headed for Ship Wreck. 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